Imposter Syndrome
The anxiety doesn’t come when the interview is set. It doesn’t even happen on the drive. I know what I’m doing, and I do it well. So, why is it so hard for me to present that way during interviews? I’m no longer in a time of my life in which I feel like I have to desperately find a job in my field; I’m currently employed in a great school and make a good living. What happens to my mindset in those few moments, when I’m walking into a room for an interview and I feel my confidence evaporating? I instantly go from an “I can do this” attitude to a “who am I kidding, I’m a sham” sentiment in the less than 5 second walk up a hallway. While walking back to my car after my most recent interview, it finally dawned on me: Imposter Syndrome! What I haven’t figured out yet, is why? And not just why for myself, but why do I know so many competent, professional, talented and innovative people who are successful in their work and/or personal lives who also struggle with Imposter Syndrome.
Dr. Valerie Young, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Imposter Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It, has used years of research to identify 5 “competence types” of Imposter Syndrome. I overwhelmingly find myself identifying with number 5, “The Expert”. Am I an expert? Not yet. However, with every single interview I feel like I have to go in and prove that I know ALL of the appropriate answers to ALL of the questions, and if I don’t, I’m never going to be picked. So what happens to me then? My internal negative dialog starts, I start forgetting my words, I talk way too much and way too fast, and I leave feeling completely dejected, even though just a few minutes ago I felt totally capable. How do I solve this problem for myself? There are no easy answers, but I’m going to start with a few steps:
Giving myself the same grace I give my students. I am by no means a perfectionist, but when I do something “less-than”, I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be.
Accept myself for who I am and the knowledge that I do have. I am not just “enough”, I am competent, I am capable, and I need to let my skills and personality shine to make the difference.
How do I do steps 1 and 2? Look back to blog entry here about reflecting on one’s self WITHOUT shame (or self-blame). I need to recognize when I’m character assassinating myself, using all or nothing and black and white thinking and I need to regulate the anxious emotional state I get in by doing some deep breathing and reflecting on a time in which I felt proud of myself right before I walk in the door. And again, sometimes we need therapy to work through the experiences that informed some of those automatic negative thoughts.
Below is a link to the article by Melody J. Wilding on the 5 types of Imposter Syndrome, in which she references Ms. Young’s book.
https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-different-types-of-imposter-syndrome-and-5-ways-to-battle-each-one
